Come on, my dear editors! What have you, dear editors, been doing all week? This article should have been easy to write!
In any case, you, dear readers, voted for Kentucky, not the Klingon Empire.
Previous result
Check out our list of all previous winners.
Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Fortunate Son" beat out Boston's "More Than a Feeling" to be featured on Jackson's 92.3 FM, West Tennessee's classic rock station!
In any case, I don't expect the Kentucky rock scene to be as developed as it is. But I've been wrong before! We'll see!
Songs
1) Cage the Elephant – Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
Ugh. Hee hee, how weird and ironic we are! These guys won a Grammy for Best Rock Album in 2017, so maybe you'll like it. I certainly don't claim to be a pop culture connoisseur. But if I wanted something weird for its own sake, I'd listen to Weird Al Yankovic. At least he's sincere about it.
Did we seriously miss out on the opportunity to get the Klingon Empire for this yIH ngaghwI'?
You know what's missing from this video? That fat guy Kablob from Kyrgyzstan. I wonder what he's doing there.
Let's see if Kentucky has anything else that could be heard on popular radio stations.
2) Joan Osborne – One of Us
There you go, Kentucky! See how easy that was? I guess technically she's a one-hit wonder, but that one hit helped push her debut album to triple platinum status when she released it in 1995. And it was right, so good on her—1995? THIS ALBUM IS OVER THIRTY YEARS OLD?!
My God, what have I done with my life? She's 63 already? You know what, forget about Fat Kablob, I wonder what she's up to now and... why are you teasing me, Wikipedia?
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Father Time - donkey .
You know what, this is Kentucky, let's get to what we're all here for.
3) Loretta Lynn - Coal Miner's Daughter
YES, BABY. If Andrew and I have learned anything, it's that shouting "COME ON, VOTE FOR IT!" never, ever works. "Here's Johann Sebastian Bach and some random emperor penguin sounds. Please vote for Brandenburg Concerto No. 3, and look, Emperor Penguin No. 2 won.".
But let's be honest. This is Loretta Lynn, and she's absolutely amazing live. Look, at least vote for that green dress.
I guess we need something specific related to country music and Kentucky, right?
4) Bill Monroe – "Blue Moon of Kentucky"«
I think it would be hard not to mention the Father of Bluegrass, especially considering he hails from Kentucky. Specifically, the bustling metropolis of Rosine (2020 population: 110). "There are no schools in Rosine, so students from Rosine attend Horse Branch Elementary School." It's one of the best lines ever written.
Of course, millions of people wrote about it, including Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, Alan Jackson, LeAnn Rimes and The Dale Gribble Bluegrass Experience.
5) Judd - Grandfather
I have no idea how Ashland, Kentucky managed to give us both Keith Whitley and The Judds, but they did. Thanks, Ashland! I flipped a coin to decide which one to include on this list. Keith Whitley gets an honorable mention.
Ashland also gave us Billy Ray Cyrus, and I assure you, there will be no honorable mentions for that.
In any case, it was the only one of their singles to achieve platinum status, but it was the sixth of fourteen songs that reached number one on the Billboard country charts between 1984 and 1989. Quite an achievement by any standard.
And then in 2022, we lost both Loretta Lynn and Naomi Judd, because apparently the world was already a terrible enough place during the pandemic's aftermath. See, I told you time is a real jerk.
We usually limit ourselves to five points, but let's experiment with the records from Paducah:
6) Boots Randolph – Yakety Sax
Glory to Paducah! Glory to Pinman!
Honorable Mentions
Keith Whitley - Don't Close Your Eyes
It's only fair to mention him as the guest of honor after he lost the damn coin toss.
This song was voted Best Country Song of 1988. I was tempted to include "I'm No Stranger to the Rain" instead, but it became a posthumous number one hit in 1989, after his alcohol addiction sadly took hold earlier in the year. It seemed more appropriate to include something he was fortunate enough to contribute to.
Jackie DeShannon - What the world needs right now is love
From Hazel, Kentucky (2020 population: 390), straight on US 641 between Paris, Tennessee, and Murray, Kentucky! ("Have you been there? Don't answer.") It's too late, and unfortunately, the answer is no. I did get to visit Paris and Murray, but they were separate trips. ("…….")
Vote in the elections
Apparently, the automatic closing of these windows works pretty well! Let's just set it to close on Monday evening and see what happens, Vertigo, God of Madness.