Spiritual leader Iyanla Vanzant speaks candidly about the beauty of embracing grief at a time when she says we need it most.
Iyanla VanZant knows a thing or two about grief. This media icon survived the funerals of two daughters, an abusive relationship, and left a hit show at the height of its success. That's why when she says that many of us, especially Black people, could use more grief, she's not just speaking theoretically.
Last week, during a conversation with CNN's Abby Phillips at the 30th American Black Film Festival in Miami, attended by theGrio, the 73-year-old spiritual mentor and media personality opened up about what holds many of us back from achieving the level of authenticity she has.
For many of us, she says, it's the inability to properly process both major and minor traumas in our lives.
«"I think the greatest gift people can give themselves, and it's an act of spiritual hygiene, is grief," she said, sitting across from Phillips at the New World Center in South Beach.
«We must mourn what we’ve lost; we must mourn the dreams we never realized. We must mourn the ways of being that no longer align with who we are. We must mourn them,» she continued. «That means simply coming to terms with it, allowing ourselves to feel it, and crying if necessary, so that we can receive what’s next.».
For VanZant, grief has been a crucial part of the healing process, allowing her to live more authentically after the greatest losses of her life. She says that as African Americans grapple with inherited trauma, personal tragedy, and a political climate marked by attacks on voting rights, diversity initiatives, and Black history, many are conditioned to simply feel the pain rather than fully process it. This unresolved grief, she believes, may be one reason why many continue to seek the kind of leadership once embodied by figures like Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X.
«One of the reasons we’re so divided is because of our conflicting energies,» she explained, noting that we currently divide ourselves and even our attention to care into categories such as male, female, white, black, gay, straight.
«"What about living people?" she asked simply. "When you are pure within, everything that serves your vibrational frequency will come to you.".
Vanzant said that purification involves grieving. Many in America haven't fully mourned the end of slavery, just as Black Americans haven't fully mourned the ways its legacy continues to shape our lives, not to mention the ancestral curses that haunt so many of us. Yet many of the Black leaders, thinkers, and healers who have had the most profound impact on culture, including Vanzant, have done so by confronting this grief head-on.
«"We could follow the example of Rev. Jackson, we could follow the example of Stokely, we could follow the example of Rev. Dr. King, we could follow the example of Malcolm, because they were honest and they did what they were supposed to do, they fulfilled their purpose," she said, adding that their deeper purpose did not necessarily reflect what kind of "people" they were personally.
«"We need to get everything clear. We need to do our work, we need to clear our minds, we need to clear our hearts, and everything you need to do, everything you need to have, will come to you," she noted.
After a five-year hiatus from television, VanZant returned to OWN in January with the miniseries "Iyanla: Inside Help," which explored some of the most memorable cases from her hit show "Iyanla: Fix My Life," which ended in 2021. One of the reasons she left the show was because, according to VanZant, she didn't like the show being pushed in a provocative direction for ratings.
«"You make TV shows, and I heal people," she recalled saying then. "I wasn't prepared to do what was required to boost ratings, using other people's pain as a commodity.".
During a break from filming, VanZant said she gained a better understanding of her purpose and decided to focus on her own healing. This approach seems to have helped her. Following the series' debut, OWN ordered two more specials in February 2026, with production beginning the following month.
«"It really didn't take much effort," she said. "All I had to do was call and say, 'Hi, Ms. O,' and she said, 'How about we do two more episodes of Fix My Life?'"»
She added: "No one is coming to save you, no one is coming to guide you, no one is coming to correct you, no one is coming to check you. Do your job, and your whole team will come to you.".
Other must-read materials:
-
Lena Waithe has opened up about why her marriage to Alana Mayo ended after two months.
-
Latto spoke candidly about her relationship with 21 Savage, hiding her pregnancy, and crying alone in Japan: "I was pregnant.".
-
J.R. Smith opened up about what inspired him to pursue higher education more than 20 years after starting his NBA career.